Anyone who has known me throughout my 2nd year at uni has probably heard my housemate horror story, and with a week to go until I’m finally able to deeeeeep clean my house until it’s rid of their germs, I can safely talk about how I survived such a painful living situation.
To run the story as short as I can, I moved into the box room of a 3-bedroom house with 2 girls I didn’t know very well, but who seemed more than nice enough. They were beautiful, fun and a little bit older than me – naively, I assumed this would make it so they were more mature and therefore better housemates. It was about 2 weeks in when everything started to go south, and within 2 months, I put the plates I had just used to eat dinner into a bag, drove home in the middle of the night to my parents’ house, and never went back.
The core of my housemate situation just came down to selfishness. It’s a symptom of a narcissistic personality and unfortunately I don’t think it can be cured. This was where our problems began, with the girls going from lazy, to messy, to dirty, to just flat out disgusting (suddenly I’m thankful for being forced to do galley duty for all those years). I felt my sense of safety in the house disappear, as my parents and I were showered with threats and I had a million different terrifying men coming into my house every night. I had to move out for the sake of my mental health and my security.
Bearing in mind everything I learnt in this entire process, here are my tips on surviving the housemates from hell. I’m not going to sugar coat, but here’s what I’ve got to give (God forbid that any of you ever have to go through anything like it):
- Your friends will literally save your life. Give them something back. Make them dinner at their place, buy them take-out, whatever. Just appreciate that they’re going out of their way to make you feel happier than you do at your house.
- Realise that some people treat you like crap purely because they’re intimidated by you.
- Use strategic shower and kitchen timing, so the time spent face-to-face is at a minimum.
- Following on from that, try to be out of the house as much as possible. Kill two birds with one stone – spend more time at the library so you spend less time at your house.
- Befriend your neighbours, if you can. My neighbours this year were 6 students from another uni, and they were so incredibly kind to me when I was struggling. Although I never felt safe with my housemates, knowing that my friends were right next door if I needed them made up for it.
- Hide your kitchen valuables. Actually, just keep every valuable thing you have locked away. People actually steal (and break) your stuff at uni, it’s wild.
- Love your family. Call them. My dad used to text me every single day to check that I was okay, and my mum and sister would call me when I left the library late at night to make sure I walked home safely. It was the one thing that kept me strong enough to stay there for as long as I did.
- Listen to music that reminds you of nice people. In my first month of moving in, my friend Ben recommended a bunch of Scott Matthews music to me, and I would just sit in my room and listen to it until I felt safer.
- Remember that this situation is only temporary. My friends would literally count down the weeks until each holiday, making sure I knew there would eventually be an end to it.
- Be comfortable with not speaking to each other (texting might be your only form of communication – just don’t be passive aggressive, it’s exhausting)
- Never underestimate the power of a food stash in your room.
- Reflect on your good friendships. My friend Lydia gave me a book just before I moved in, and I would read it in the same way I would listen to Scott Matthews – it reminded me of better people in my life.
- Above all, put your mental health first.
My decision to move out was rash and instinctive – late at night, a load of aggression from my housemates turned me to leave half my belongings in a house I wouldn’t return to for nearly a year. I had the realisation that the increasing anxiety as I approached the house, or not being able to sleep unless I locked my bedroom door from the inside, was slowly driving me insane. It was the best choice I could have made for myself, as I put my mental health above everything else. As difficult as it was to drive to uni every day at 6am, there’s no way I could have survived living in such a hostile environment.
I was in a very fortunate position where I lived close enough to commute from home, and sadly not everybody is able to do so. In which case, talk to your university about your situation – there’s no shame in it. Nobody has the right to harass or bully you, at any age.
Through all of this, the one thing that still amazes me is how continuously supportive my friends have been. They made a life-destroying situation somewhat better for me, whether it was through putting up with my sobbing down the phone, or inviting me to dinner at their place, or simply by cheering me on when I needed it. My friends at that time, whether they are still a part of my life or not, were the reason I pushed through it and I am so thankful for every person who helped me survive it.
Thivya x
Some other posts you might like:
Why losing some friendships was the best thing that ever happened to me
Thivya K 
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