Anyone would tell you that I’m not an argumentative girl – I don’t like conflict and I always think it’s better to calmly step away from something than to get involved in some full-blown drama. So, whilst going through school didn’t really involve many major fall-outs, making *and keeping* friends at university is a whole new ball game. My second year has involved so much work that I feel like all I’ve done is live in my usual library spot for the past 6 months, so last semester I ended up settling into the tiniest group of close friends and barely spending any time with anyone else.
Unfortunately, all good things must come to an end, and if I’m being completely honest about how this year has affected me socially, no longer having some people in my life meant that I suddenly had all this time to spend with different ones. I’ve formed the most incredible new friendships and met some of the most wonderful people of my life, because I wasn’t holding myself down to the same relationships anymore. As commented by one of my best friends, Megan, I am “THRIVING” at the moment, and it’s made all this turmoil worth it. I have made so many new friends recently and have strengthened my relationships with old ones – and I would wish the same for people that I’ve grown apart from. Particularly with things such as the Cancer Research gig I did last week (we raised £500!), I made more new friends over the past month than I did in the whole of my first semester.
You learn a lot about yourself from the way your relationships with other people work. This year I learnt that I seem to give more than I take, and I want to change that. I’ve also recently learnt that I should never be ashamed of how far I’ve come on my own, because at the end of it all, I am the one who picked myself up every day and got through some really tough stuff. I’ve learnt to not feel any guilt about living my best life without some people that I thought would always be around, because if it was their decision to walk out of my life, I have the right to do whatever makes me happy from that point on.
I think I know my worth now. It took years to get here, but with the craze that is 5 years at the College and a good few bumps in the road at uni on top of that, my confidence is finally where I’d like it to be and I am forever grateful to every person who is by my side right now (thank you, everyone who has been a human diary to me over the last 2 months of my life being WILD). Last week I received some of the most incredible messages I’ve ever had from one of my closest friends, Raka, where she absolutely hyped me up after I made a single comment about not really having confidence in myself. She sent me voice notes which just shot my confidence through the roof and I am so lucky to have friends like that who genuinely mean what they say.
So, with uni deadlines in full swing, I feel like my social life is supposed to be on hold, but it’s actually the complete opposite. I’m making new friends like I never was 5 months ago, and I’m in a wonderful space with my relationships. I guess what I’m trying to say is, to anybody out there reading this and going through a rough patch, when this all blows over, you will be the best version of yourself you have ever been. You will step out of your comfort zone, but it will be the best thing that could have happened to you. I feel like I have found my place and I love it.