The Instagram models that make you feel like shit because you don’t look like that? They don’t even look like that.

Instagram seems like a friendly place – it takes just a second to double-tap a photo and send someone some short-term endorphins, the images that go viral tend to be filled with positivity rather than hate, and cats and dogs rule the world of uplifting videos to send to your friends. However, this very positivity is the problem in a time where social media is such a huge part of our lives. Everyone is encouraged to present this flawless, upbeat, attractive version of their life that frankly isn’t real.

This morning I was writing about some of my recent experiences of objectification and I thought back to a time where my best friend said “guys just want girls who look like fucking zig zags… No one looks like that”. We’re living in a time where anyone with a smartphone and internet access can view endless photos of the most attractive people in the world, in seconds, and for free. The truth is that the world of Instagram models is a damaging one, for the models and for those who consume their content. Candid posts are not at all candid, and you need to be well-rehearsed in your “good angles” to gain maximum positive engagement. Men in particular love the idea of women’s beauty being effortless and natural; they don’t want to know about the time spent editing in a separate app, or the hours spent hating body parts that we have been taught to dislike.

In 2017, the Royal Society for Public Health conducted a UK-wide survey of 14- to 24-year-olds, asking them about the big five social media platforms: Twitter, Facebook, YouTube, Snapchat and Instagram. Users ranked how each platform affected various aspects of their mental health. Instagram came last, scoring particularly badly for its effects on sleep, body image and fear of missing out (FOMO). This seems obvious, but it becomes truly horrible when you think about how young so many social media users are. When I first started using Instagram in my early teens, it was a completely different place. Now it feels like you can’t go five minutes without scrolling past flawless, smiling, world-trotting babes in curated lifestyle shots. Young people have it bad enough without the internet adding to their mood swings, body issues and anxiety; now they have models and friends alike editing away, until everyone has lost sense of what they actually look like.

A few months ago I saw someone’s feed filled with lingerie models, and I know that for him, the physical comparison lingers in his everyday life, even if subconsciously. Whilst men spend a lot of time looking at attractive women on their browse page, women spend their time desperately trying to live up to these unrealistic and falsified ideas. One minute you’re with someone scrolling through their feed and the next minute you’re wondering if you can even pass as attractive without a 5-piece lingerie set and a thin, toned body. The floods of manipulated images not only cause the people who view them to objectify the subject, but women who consume them also take part in self-objectification. I’ll openly admit that seeing someone close to me engage with such imagery on a regular basis made me see myself as an object too.

Since Instagram is a newer beast than typical porn consumption, less is understood about how it can affect sexual expectations. There is clearly a close line between the two but it is generally based on intent: choosing to look at porn is a conscious decision, whereas when countless sexy Instagram models are just placed in front of us, we’re unaware of the impact.  Studies have found that watching porn and constantly looking at flawless people causes a loss of interest in real-life partners, and it makes total sense. Guys spend so much time looking at filtered women that when they see girls in real life, they compare without even realising it. It makes them think that the women in their life aren’t as attractive as they actually are (David Bond highlights this really well in his article: “Why men should stop following hot women on Instagram”). Social media is redefining what is acceptable in relationships – whilst social media engagements appear to be harmless, there are deep-rooted problems associated with screens full of impromptu sexual stimuli. 

Consistent consumption of images created by digital strangers warps our sense of beauty – we have a false sense of what the average is and consequently we feel like we’re not good enough. I used to worry that I wasn’t considered attractive because the standard for the norm is just so incredibly high nowadays, and I’d be lying if I said there weren’t moments where it still affected me now (note how I have deliberately avoided putting triggering images into this post). Instagram pin-up girls are forced to post the most idealised images, in picturesque locations, in flawless outfits and flattering poses. We’re realistically never going to fully give up on social media, but it’s definitely worth thinking about how it affects our view of others and our habits of self-objectification.

The reality is that there will always be girls who can’t help but be invested in the lives and bodies of influencers. There will always be guys who can’t grasp the concept that no one’s butt is actually that big. Get those ideas and those people out of your space – especially in terms of relationships, no matter how serious. Don’t be with the person that follows models with hideously edited bodies and is obsessed with recreating porn. Be with the person who is invested in you, who loves you for your rolls, stretch marks and blemished skin.

Clearing my feed of unrealistic expectations is one of the best things I have done for myself. Whilst it didn’t fix everything, it definitely made my world a little more peaceful. 

I’ll leave you with some accounts who I think truly deserve the follow:

(Featured image: Photo by Heather Ford on Unsplash)